Around 8 months ago I was in such a happy place. I had just turned 30, which I had accepted in much the same way as one accepts an uninvited shot of sambuca purchased for you by your pal on a night out: it was a bit of a shock to the system but I knew once I got the initial stomach-churning moment where you think you’re going to be sick over and done with it would be fun. I was still a relatively new mum to a little boy who was just about to celebrate his first birthday. I lived in a flat (bought) with a car (paid off) and a career (a proper one) and a husband (tall, dark, handsome) and enough money to have my hair highlighted regularly by a stylist in a salon. In the grand scheme of lifestyle milestones, everything was rosy.
And then, around 7 months ago, everything went to shit. I suddenly didn’t have a husband any more. We split up, and every-single-cliche-you-can-come-up-with happened. There was no rug under my feet, there was shit all over the fan. I didn’t see it coming, it hit me in the face…everything went thoroughly tits up.
I didn’t cope with it well in the slightest. I handed my 13-month-old child to my parents and spent three days drunker than I’ve ever been. I phoned in sick to work and took myself to the doctor where I cried and babbled complete jibberish. I didn’t return to work until almost a month later, and when I did, it was right before the worst Christmas of my life – which I spent mostly crying into a bowl of ready-made pigs in blankets.
I tried my best to keep going for the sake of the little guy, but god it was tough. There were many nights where I just sat and exist because I couldn’t find the energy or motivation to do anything else.
And then, somewhere around about two months ago, I gave myself a bit of a kick up the arse. There was absolutely no point in me sitting here moping, I thought to myself. I should do something. I can write a bit, and have plenty to say for myself, so this is it.
In my head, my goals are simple: I’m looking for somewhere to vent and comment on those little quirks of becoming a single mum. I want to write a bit to make those child-free nights more productive. I also, eventually, want to make this somewhere that other single parents can come to when they need to see that things do get better eventually, and that things can be just as good on our own.
I am one single mama, and what a single mama I am going to be…